The World is Too Damn Small

This past week has been ridic. I think I've said "what the fuck, the world is too small" about six times. That's a fair few more than three times.

I found myself in a Mt Eden lounge a few days ago (hung mung/still drunk) with a work mate, a guy I met back at school, a friend of another friend, and his girlfriend (who I'd met super wasted a few times but couldn't say I was totally acquainted with) who ended up being quite good friends with two of my best friends. How I ended up in this lounge, I don't really know. Apparently I was on the hotline to poor old work pal and ended up getting them to pick me up after I face planted a trailer and claimed to have a raging fat lip that needed attention the night before (half of this true, the other half I put down to me being drunk/a hypochondriac). But wow it was pretty buzzy, mainly because I'd met all of these people in totally different ways and didn't think there was such a close connection between them (bar the gf/bf combo of course). They were probably just as weirded out by my connection to each one of them too, and my raging fat lip complaints as well I guess. But it's such a small world that we all ended up together that drunken morning in that lounge.

The following night, after work we were having a laugh with one of the local regulars (regular as in 'at least two beers a day keeps the doctor away' regular), who thought he'd share with us the fact that he was Justin Timberlake's body double in a McDonald's ad that was shot here in New Zealand years ago. For reals. He was getting his groove on, showing us his moves and we were all giggling along. I lolingly (it's a word) mentioned that I actually still kind of remembered the dance I did in a Kool Aid commercial I featured in when I was a kid. Adrian (the two beers a day regular) stopped mid JT slide and stared at me wide eyed. I thought he was going to abuse me for (somehow) being apart of the Kool Aid epidemic that ended up killing some kids way back when. "Not the Kool Aid ad that was shot up north on that beach in 1998?" he yelled. Awkward, a Kool Aid fan? "Yeahhh it was actually, and yeah I was about 8.. So yeah?" - sheepish as reply of mine. "With the little afro-american kids dancing on the beach and giant blow up thing in the water?!" ...Dude knows this Kool Aid ad? "Yeah that's definitely the one? Haha?" - I was secretly playing things down, really thinking 'Oh my God... Maybe this guy actually recognises me?' - "HA HA! I cast that commercial! I was in the crew up there! Small bloody world!" Adrian exclaims. And off we went on a tangent about the Kool Aid commercial, finishing off eachothers' stories about the cyclone that kept us on set in Kaitaia an extra day, and the night our bus got stuck in the mud for hours before it was towed out by some psycho on a mission (turned out to be Adrian ya know). And ok, so he didn't recognise me at all and I found out I was actually cast as a little nig, not the Spanish cutie like my Mum made out, but whaaat the fuck! Small, small bloody world we kept saying.

And then! We find out that Adrian's friend who was drinking with him at work a few nights prior, turns out to be Alan the Felon who used to rap with CocoSolid back in the day, and recognised Claire as her sister because she was hoodratting the scene that night! Just weeeeiiiiiird man. (This was totally a "Lateesha's cousin Lauren told me to tell you to tell Laurelle that Latasha was looking for her" kind of story. Sweet as if it doesn't make sense, it does ok, honest.)

Despite the fact that I have three more, I won't put you through another 'OMG she's right, it's such a small world' story, I'm confusing myself a bit and you can probably see where I'm going with this. I'm not entirely sure whether my circles are too small or I'm too big, lol, but either way - AK is getting totes out of hand! Wise Old T-Ped made the valid point that there was an upside to Auckland's thought-to-be shrinking social scene, and that was for people like him - who in his profession, find networking pretty damn important. He's booked gigs purely by going to school with a band's drummer all those years ago or knowing a friend of a friend's rapper buddy. It's not all bad news. And yeah I'd have to agree. As much as I complain about not being able to meet new people without making a too-close-for-comfort connection, I guess that's how making friends works in this day and time. It's someone in common, not something. Six degrees of separation is alive and kicking homie. And just as I get to wrapping shit up here, the word fate pops into my head - ugh. We'll save that for another sleepless night.

Feed the Hung(ry)

Being the victim of a few off-the-fucking-richter hangovers as of late, the amount of take-out I've stuffed my face with is probably unhealthy - for both my battered body and battered bank account. I present to you my Top 5 Bad Ass Hangover Feeds.

No.5 - 5am BK Banter
I would not believe you for one moment if you told me you have never found yourself at Burger King counting the last of your change on to the counter for a $5 meal deal at 5am (or if anyone else has never found you doing so, whatever). Not for one moment in time! Hungover, rightly pissed, same same but different. Everyone knows a dirty Rodeo burger or anything of the like from BK is the only legit way to end a Saturday night/Sunday morning (guilty) in town. The trip more often than not ends in flying fries but who's to judge at 5am right?! The jury is still out on whether it's pronounced Row-dee-owe or Row-day-owe. The 5am BK banter at the counter is getting a little too heated, your thoughts?

If this isn't inticing, I don't know what is. The King is back bitches.

No. 4 - The Dirty Bird

Despite the shittiest service on earth (bar the token happy as Larry girl who works at the Ponsonby outlet - you have to know the one I'm talking about), KFC is usually reliable enough to hit the spot come 2pm hangover's D-Day. I'm not a huge fan of the actual chicken on the bone (gross), but a decent snackburger when I can handle it seems to do the trick. Let's be honest though - it's the chips with extra seasoning that gives K-Fried it's pull factor (*unashamed sober dribble*), because afterall I recently found out via FB that the Colonel Sanders was actually not the founder of the 11 top secret original herbs and spices, but in fact a white supremacist. Thank you Emily Andrews.

Dude's clearly hung as fuck.

No. 3 - Mercury Plaza

The number of people you know and see from the night before walking up the Mercs stairs come Sunday morning says something about it's ability to cure hangovers. Most people go for the oh-so-popular Japanese, but I myself often wonder how in the world a shit-load of rice gets rid of a pounding headache. I've noticed Pad Thai is a crowd favourite with some now too though - apparently the extra cashews are essential. All I can think about however is the baby bowl of miso you get from the Japanese place with your meal. Coz mi-so hung! (See what I did there?) Major bonus about Mercs - you can literally roll out of bed and go there not worrying about how bad you look/smell. Close to everyone there on a Sunday is just as hung as you are. You know you've got a problem when you look the worst... But I say cross that bridge when you get to it.

Ummmm, I'm not false advertising because it definitely doesn't look as clean as this photo suggests now, but give me a break, Google images only go so far.

No. 2 - Ponsonby Foodcourt

Ohhhh shiet. The highly controversial Pons Foodcourt. AboutTown voted it's Thai place the best in Auckland once (I get the feeling it was ages ago, but good on you proud mama of the Thai place for keeping the framed article left, right and centre of the counter for this long. I would too). And boy oh boy, was AboutTown right. The only problem you'll face here is deciding what to get. It's always the green curry thing (number 18) vs. tom yum (number 30) for me - yes I know the numbers. Hungover wise, tom yum is usually the winner on the day. I'm not going to lie, I've come to the (oh so significant) conclusion that Pons Foodcourt Thai is only the perfect hangover feed for the kind that keeps you in bed all day and only drags you out when absolutely necessary - around 9pm when you feel you could probably stomach something. And sure, it's controversial only because sometimes the number of people there can be overwhelming on a bad day - a deterrent of all sorts when you look/smell like you should be at Mercs - but it really is worth it.

Another slightly eatass photo, soz boz.

No. 1 - WENDY'S

I'm sorry if this is some kind of anti-climax for you but there is NOTHING like a five dollar hollaaaa - morning, noon or night - when your brain feels like it's about to explode out your ears, your tummy is doing all sorts of weird cirque de soleil shit and flashbacks are haunting your exploding brain. Believe me homeboy, Dave's Meal Deal or whatever they've changed it's name to, knows how to fix you up. It's done the dirty on me a few times - I've been absolutely satisfied and gone jogging an hour later (ha, yeah ok), or I've ended up spewing chunky chips half an hour later (sorry for any visuals this may have just caused) - but I've felt better either way. Not convinced? If a 1L cup/bucket of coke doesn't quench that thirst at least, then you're seriously fucked. Long live the five dollar holla!

Ohhh Dave. All round good cunt.

Ok, just previewed this post and I'm clearly a little too obsessed with food but seriously - you have no idea how bad these hangovers have been. If this has actually been shit and you feel you've wasted your time, then have a laugh at the following vid below. They took down the original clip from YouTube so don't bother with anything after the first song. Earl Okin - Musical Genius & Sex Symbol.