The World is Too Damn Small

This past week has been ridic. I think I've said "what the fuck, the world is too small" about six times. That's a fair few more than three times.

I found myself in a Mt Eden lounge a few days ago (hung mung/still drunk) with a work mate, a guy I met back at school, a friend of another friend, and his girlfriend (who I'd met super wasted a few times but couldn't say I was totally acquainted with) who ended up being quite good friends with two of my best friends. How I ended up in this lounge, I don't really know. Apparently I was on the hotline to poor old work pal and ended up getting them to pick me up after I face planted a trailer and claimed to have a raging fat lip that needed attention the night before (half of this true, the other half I put down to me being drunk/a hypochondriac). But wow it was pretty buzzy, mainly because I'd met all of these people in totally different ways and didn't think there was such a close connection between them (bar the gf/bf combo of course). They were probably just as weirded out by my connection to each one of them too, and my raging fat lip complaints as well I guess. But it's such a small world that we all ended up together that drunken morning in that lounge.

The following night, after work we were having a laugh with one of the local regulars (regular as in 'at least two beers a day keeps the doctor away' regular), who thought he'd share with us the fact that he was Justin Timberlake's body double in a McDonald's ad that was shot here in New Zealand years ago. For reals. He was getting his groove on, showing us his moves and we were all giggling along. I lolingly (it's a word) mentioned that I actually still kind of remembered the dance I did in a Kool Aid commercial I featured in when I was a kid. Adrian (the two beers a day regular) stopped mid JT slide and stared at me wide eyed. I thought he was going to abuse me for (somehow) being apart of the Kool Aid epidemic that ended up killing some kids way back when. "Not the Kool Aid ad that was shot up north on that beach in 1998?" he yelled. Awkward, a Kool Aid fan? "Yeahhh it was actually, and yeah I was about 8.. So yeah?" - sheepish as reply of mine. "With the little afro-american kids dancing on the beach and giant blow up thing in the water?!" ...Dude knows this Kool Aid ad? "Yeah that's definitely the one? Haha?" - I was secretly playing things down, really thinking 'Oh my God... Maybe this guy actually recognises me?' - "HA HA! I cast that commercial! I was in the crew up there! Small bloody world!" Adrian exclaims. And off we went on a tangent about the Kool Aid commercial, finishing off eachothers' stories about the cyclone that kept us on set in Kaitaia an extra day, and the night our bus got stuck in the mud for hours before it was towed out by some psycho on a mission (turned out to be Adrian ya know). And ok, so he didn't recognise me at all and I found out I was actually cast as a little nig, not the Spanish cutie like my Mum made out, but whaaat the fuck! Small, small bloody world we kept saying.

And then! We find out that Adrian's friend who was drinking with him at work a few nights prior, turns out to be Alan the Felon who used to rap with CocoSolid back in the day, and recognised Claire as her sister because she was hoodratting the scene that night! Just weeeeiiiiiird man. (This was totally a "Lateesha's cousin Lauren told me to tell you to tell Laurelle that Latasha was looking for her" kind of story. Sweet as if it doesn't make sense, it does ok, honest.)

Despite the fact that I have three more, I won't put you through another 'OMG she's right, it's such a small world' story, I'm confusing myself a bit and you can probably see where I'm going with this. I'm not entirely sure whether my circles are too small or I'm too big, lol, but either way - AK is getting totes out of hand! Wise Old T-Ped made the valid point that there was an upside to Auckland's thought-to-be shrinking social scene, and that was for people like him - who in his profession, find networking pretty damn important. He's booked gigs purely by going to school with a band's drummer all those years ago or knowing a friend of a friend's rapper buddy. It's not all bad news. And yeah I'd have to agree. As much as I complain about not being able to meet new people without making a too-close-for-comfort connection, I guess that's how making friends works in this day and time. It's someone in common, not something. Six degrees of separation is alive and kicking homie. And just as I get to wrapping shit up here, the word fate pops into my head - ugh. We'll save that for another sleepless night.

Feed the Hung(ry)

Being the victim of a few off-the-fucking-richter hangovers as of late, the amount of take-out I've stuffed my face with is probably unhealthy - for both my battered body and battered bank account. I present to you my Top 5 Bad Ass Hangover Feeds.

No.5 - 5am BK Banter
I would not believe you for one moment if you told me you have never found yourself at Burger King counting the last of your change on to the counter for a $5 meal deal at 5am (or if anyone else has never found you doing so, whatever). Not for one moment in time! Hungover, rightly pissed, same same but different. Everyone knows a dirty Rodeo burger or anything of the like from BK is the only legit way to end a Saturday night/Sunday morning (guilty) in town. The trip more often than not ends in flying fries but who's to judge at 5am right?! The jury is still out on whether it's pronounced Row-dee-owe or Row-day-owe. The 5am BK banter at the counter is getting a little too heated, your thoughts?

If this isn't inticing, I don't know what is. The King is back bitches.

No. 4 - The Dirty Bird

Despite the shittiest service on earth (bar the token happy as Larry girl who works at the Ponsonby outlet - you have to know the one I'm talking about), KFC is usually reliable enough to hit the spot come 2pm hangover's D-Day. I'm not a huge fan of the actual chicken on the bone (gross), but a decent snackburger when I can handle it seems to do the trick. Let's be honest though - it's the chips with extra seasoning that gives K-Fried it's pull factor (*unashamed sober dribble*), because afterall I recently found out via FB that the Colonel Sanders was actually not the founder of the 11 top secret original herbs and spices, but in fact a white supremacist. Thank you Emily Andrews.

Dude's clearly hung as fuck.

No. 3 - Mercury Plaza

The number of people you know and see from the night before walking up the Mercs stairs come Sunday morning says something about it's ability to cure hangovers. Most people go for the oh-so-popular Japanese, but I myself often wonder how in the world a shit-load of rice gets rid of a pounding headache. I've noticed Pad Thai is a crowd favourite with some now too though - apparently the extra cashews are essential. All I can think about however is the baby bowl of miso you get from the Japanese place with your meal. Coz mi-so hung! (See what I did there?) Major bonus about Mercs - you can literally roll out of bed and go there not worrying about how bad you look/smell. Close to everyone there on a Sunday is just as hung as you are. You know you've got a problem when you look the worst... But I say cross that bridge when you get to it.

Ummmm, I'm not false advertising because it definitely doesn't look as clean as this photo suggests now, but give me a break, Google images only go so far.

No. 2 - Ponsonby Foodcourt

Ohhhh shiet. The highly controversial Pons Foodcourt. AboutTown voted it's Thai place the best in Auckland once (I get the feeling it was ages ago, but good on you proud mama of the Thai place for keeping the framed article left, right and centre of the counter for this long. I would too). And boy oh boy, was AboutTown right. The only problem you'll face here is deciding what to get. It's always the green curry thing (number 18) vs. tom yum (number 30) for me - yes I know the numbers. Hungover wise, tom yum is usually the winner on the day. I'm not going to lie, I've come to the (oh so significant) conclusion that Pons Foodcourt Thai is only the perfect hangover feed for the kind that keeps you in bed all day and only drags you out when absolutely necessary - around 9pm when you feel you could probably stomach something. And sure, it's controversial only because sometimes the number of people there can be overwhelming on a bad day - a deterrent of all sorts when you look/smell like you should be at Mercs - but it really is worth it.

Another slightly eatass photo, soz boz.

No. 1 - WENDY'S

I'm sorry if this is some kind of anti-climax for you but there is NOTHING like a five dollar hollaaaa - morning, noon or night - when your brain feels like it's about to explode out your ears, your tummy is doing all sorts of weird cirque de soleil shit and flashbacks are haunting your exploding brain. Believe me homeboy, Dave's Meal Deal or whatever they've changed it's name to, knows how to fix you up. It's done the dirty on me a few times - I've been absolutely satisfied and gone jogging an hour later (ha, yeah ok), or I've ended up spewing chunky chips half an hour later (sorry for any visuals this may have just caused) - but I've felt better either way. Not convinced? If a 1L cup/bucket of coke doesn't quench that thirst at least, then you're seriously fucked. Long live the five dollar holla!

Ohhh Dave. All round good cunt.

Ok, just previewed this post and I'm clearly a little too obsessed with food but seriously - you have no idea how bad these hangovers have been. If this has actually been shit and you feel you've wasted your time, then have a laugh at the following vid below. They took down the original clip from YouTube so don't bother with anything after the first song. Earl Okin - Musical Genius & Sex Symbol.

COCO'S SOLID

One of New Zealand's most under-rated artists in my opinion, Coco Solid, with Bobbi Soxx as Parallel Dance Ensemble, just floored me with another fucking cool video clip. Not only is the song catchy and genuinely good, but the video is visually chur as, and the ideas are even more chur-able (overboard on the chur?).

I've met her, she's my friend's sister (big ups to Claire for your cameo in the latest video, strutting like a pro homegirl!), and I don't want to sound like a lick-ass, but she's pretty cool man! The woman can spit, she's already released her first zine (book/magazine kinda thing) - Philosoflygirl, she's held an art exhibition... She's a creative goddess pretty much. Article in the latest issue of Frankie magazine entitled "What Is 'Cool'?" defined it as four simple words: 'not giving a shit' - totes agree. And that's why I have mad respect for Coco Solid. She's a real individual, has her own style - which she tributes to her multicultural background. Being of Samoan/German/Maori decent has played a part in her love for hybridism. I can't think of anyone who is remotely like her in many senses. She comes across as someone who gives a shit about the right/important things maybe? To her. Not entirely sure how to explain what I mean. Anyway, really admire her for doing what she wants and doing it well.

The new video is so mean! Just like earlier videos like 'Weight Watchers', it's full of bright colours which makes it fun to watch. The shopping cart concept behind this one is what really impresses me. The idea of the woman buying the abstract things mentioned in the song that have become tangible in the products. The ambition, vision, feeling him in her heart etc. So smart! And the actual concept behind the song, I close to love even more. "It's a full time job to keep her shopping cart..." - lolburger! Bobbi Soxx gives the song a smooth la de da kind of feeling and Coco Solid's ease with words and ideas behind them makes the song more than some 'Souljah Boy up in this hoe' bullshit. Parallel Dance Ensemble - Shopping Cart - churrrrrrr.

'Weight Watchers' too, if you haven't seen/heard this - do itttttt.

In other news, weekend was the grossest I've had in a while. First Saturday night I've finished work early enough to go out after. Ugh. Damn you sickos - you know who you are. But it means I did get to spend Sunday arvo lunch with some of the crew I felt like I hadn't seen in ages. I missed you guys! I missed you bad! Until I became the butt of every joke again. Assholes.

P.s. Hiiiii Jenny, Mattpoo, Tanzy and Astaleeeeee. Welcome to the life and times :)
Also, decided to review Parallel Dance Ensemble to try something new. Will post more during the week for those who want to laugh at my expense etc.

Hollaaa

Also! Want to mention the few peeps who have peep'd the blog through these early stages. Emily, Kim, Claire and Sam - chur to the churrrrrr. I appreciate the feedback, it's got me on a bit of a buzz. This is dedicated to you! Ed Solo & Skool of Thought ft Darrison - Life Gets Better. It makes me feel good, hopefully does the same for you xx

Sigh a Sigh of Relief With Me!

I was in a bit of a shit yesterday. Just realised I had a shitload of fines to pay or I wouldn't be able to leave the country. Hence the psycho post. Please excuse me. I lol'd at it today.

But it did get me thinking. I was stressballing to the max when I realised there was a possibility I'd be stopped at the airport on the way to Melbourne (possibly the absolute epitome of 'shame bitch'). Just being on hold to the lovely lady at the Ministry (of Justice, not Magic. Douchelord), had me sweating in nearly every place possible! Including the ever-worrying upper lip.

There were two things I did while on hold.

Number one was make a cup of tea. Sure, I paced up and down the kitchen throughout the process, and I didn't even wait til the jug was fully boiled. But this cup of tea seemed to be that important. I've always been a tea kind of girl. Since I was honestly 8-years-old, I've had tea and toast for breakfast, I've had gingernuts dipped in tea after dinner with Nana, I've had tea at 2am whilst finishing assignments. A pot of tea has always been some kind of comfort to me. NB: Tea bags, unless Twinnings Earl Grey or any branded Green, do NOT have the same effect as tea leaves brewed in a pot. So while I was on hold to the Ministry (of Justice, not Magic. Douchelord), I brewed my tea. And once that teacup of comfort was good to go, with a bit of milk and half a teaspoon of sugar, I sat down on a couch and no shit, sighed a sigh of relief. A fucking cup of tea made me feel so much better!

The second thing I did was txt a friend. I quote, "Fml, wea u? Got cig? Dessssp" - haha. Prone to the sneaky drag or two, I not only needed a cigarette, but friendly banter always seemed to make me feel better in previous cases of stress too. So off I went to my cellular. Offloading my worry on to C.Bear also brought on a much needed sigh of relief. Even if her reply to my explanation txt was, "Oh rats! I'm rolling cigs as I have none, then I'll come" - haha. I strolled off to work after speaking to the lovely 'Ministry (of Justice, not Magic. Douchelord) lady', where I was due to start in a few hours, and there I had a chat with Big Tom P - my manager and friend - and another work mate, before Claire arrived. It was weird to think that the whole 15min walk to work had me furrowing my brows, biting my nails and, again, sweating in every place possible - but as soon as Luke, Tom and Claire all said hey, I completely forgot about my worries. We had a decent yarn and Claire assured me everything would be ok, Tom told me he had my back, aaand Luke fucked off to a gig. Can't win them all I guess.

Inso facto! (I hope that's the correct phrase) I have come to realise that when I'm going bonkers beyond measures, the two stress relieving options I have are: tea - a cup of comfort. Or socialising - a couple of mates. Sorry I took a while to get to the point. Lol, that's a bit of an anti-climax. But I encourage you to get amongst the tea and company whenever you think shit is hitting the fan. I'm absolutely ay-oh-kay today after a shit ripper of a day yesterday. Tea and company are sure cures for most things. If not, Claire suggested weed also works.

Biggie Was Right

Financial issues. You literally suck the fun out of life. Just when things start looking good, those damn isssssssues creep up on ya. So, money woes - kindly get fucked please. You put a damper on everything. I know I should be handling my business, but mate, you don't need to be a prick about it! Help this little brown girl out and cut me some slack wherever possible (preferrably in the area that has recently popped up - yeah I'm talking to you Ministry of Justice!). I will put my car on TradeMe this week just to make some easy moolah to pay my damn WOF dues, I'll put my iPhone up for sale if I have to, I'll even cut down to going out only once a week, I PROMISE. But please, don't make me sell myself on the street.

Biggie was right. Mo' money, mo' problems.

My Mates Are Cooler Than Yours

So I'm off to Melbourne in a little over a month to give living there a crack. Just realised how soon that actually is and I don't know if I'm prepared. Money issues aside, what the duck am I going to do without my beloved crew? Yeah I said what the duck, don't judge me. No more unexpected Sunday night drinks til 3am, no more Weekly Wednesdays out, no more arvo beers in the sun. I don't even want to think about the gigs I'm going to miss with them. I'm a self-confessed sufferer of FOMO ("Fear Of Missing Out" for those of you who have been living under a rock), and after missing out on a mate's 21st Saturday gone because of work, and throwing a bit of a sook about it, I'm starting to wonder how bad this FOMO is going to be once I'm across the ditch. Facebook updates, drunken 2am txts/calls - I can see myself literally going insane. What to do, what to do?! Thinking I could cut myself off at all new levels, but would that make it worse? Mehhh, maybe I'll find better friends in Melb and not miss anyone/anything one bit. Highly unlikely. My friends are one of a kind. They have home made foam machines at their parties, and they wake up with 50 dessert forks or icing in their bag after a big night out (no cake, just the icing), and they laugh at people with me outside Pony, and they tarp surf, and they drunkenly tell girls that they only THINK they're hot but they're not. They look after me when I'm annihilated, they laugh at me when I'm annihilated, and they usually get me annihilated. Safe to say my friends are special. Tear! Only time will tell I guess. *Heavy sigh*

On a lighter note, looking forward to hopefully catching the above at some point over in abo-diginal-land. New shiet from Drapht. Discovered this guy about a month ago and dude is LEGIT. He's a little white guy from Australia, can kind of hear his Aussie twang here and there. Have only downloaded a bit of his music, but so far, I've got a soft spot for him. Beats are cool, this one's real groovy I'd say? 60s/70s feel? And the guy is funny. 'Drink, Drank, Drunk' is another goody that will make you agree, he's out to take the piss at times. I've come to the conclusion that he reminds me a bit of New Zealand's Homebrew. Comical kind of rap. Anyway blah blah blah, I liiiiike!

Hoping Drapht isn't like our wannabe Usher - J.Williams, who I saw up at Neighbourhood last night (thanks Emily by the way, for the casual Sunday vino that turned into shit talking 101 at 3am for drunken fools). Fucking LOL. He sang. Ordinary People by John Legend. In public. To HIS group of mates. Loudly. And then he did a back flip. Way to find some attention and embarass your mates Jay!